Reflecting without mirrors

Thanks to someone better than I, my guilt has become useful. It transformed from a simple feeling of remorse. If I don’t act on the guilt it just lingers a moment then passes by after some other distraction fills my head. My impulse was to drive by, swallow that nasty taste of not doing. That seems to always be my impulse, to pass by. I think to myself “I wish I could do something for that person,” then plug my nostrils and let the smelly , stinky , awful feeling digest. Once it is swallowed it’s something for my body to work out, it doesn’t stick in my mind. Sometimes it’s consoling to think, “at least I’m concerned.” At the very least I am still a rational, caring human. But that only makes a difference for me. It’s always easy for I to remember itself. The other things that I wants or “needs” to get done. I is usually blind to what it can do. He was holding a sign that said “Homeless.” Every time I see it, it hurts. I bow my head and it makes me want to pull my hair out. I feel pow...

I. Why is this the only letter that is understood when it stands alone. Every other letter needs another around it to have meaning, but not I. I is lonely. I is complete. Sometimes it seems that I wishes it were more like the other letters, incomplete. I wishes it couldn’t survive alone. But here is I, the lonely letter that represents the self. With every new use of the letter others develop a more concrete idea of what that letter represents. It’s funny that most of the longest words have simple definitions. They are usually some specific concept, often medical terms (link to longest words) . But the shortest word, I, depends one hundred percent on its context. Words are not like books, length does not imply depth. The shorter the word, the deeper the meaning. Most words allow us to guess their meaning, if it’s too challenging we can consult a dictionary. There is no dictionary for I. I is never clear, we are usually wrong. Most of our lives are spent defining I. I changes based ...

At the top of the Stratosphere there is a ride called the “Big Shot.” It’s not just a clever name. It can give any faint hearted man a false sense of accomplishment. Conditions for ego-reinforcement were very favorable, being high above the Vegas skyline in near freezing temperatures while facing a strong wind. There weren’t many people in line, counting me we made two. Just myself and a Japanese guy who didn’t speak English. I obviously didn’t ask his name or have an actual conversation, but that didn’t limit his contribution to my Vegas experience. That man likely has no recollection of our interaction, but he is the reason my trip up and down through the sky hundreds of feet from the Vegas floor was memorable. As we waited for the other big shots to come back down we made eye contact and laughed at the fact that we would shortly be launching ourselves into the sky. This man was really excited, he laughed a lot and seemed a little nervous. We sat in adjacent seats as we prepared for ...

In Christ’s Sermon on the Mount one particular verse stands out as reversible and interpretable with many deep possible meanings. “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.” As I have reflected on what it takes to live the gospel, I have realized that our perceptions and understanding are possibly the most important aspects to attaining eternal happiness (at the bottom of the page is a line-by-line description of how seeing makes us who we are). I don’t believe this scripture’s reference to sight to be literal. I also believe this verse to be reversible, which is what inspired the “Test for the Pure in Heart:” (found at the end of the document). The test measures whether or not we see God, or even see as God does. If we do, then we can consider ourselves pure in heart. I believe that the word “see” is very open to interpretation. There are countless examples in the New Testament in which the blind actually saw Christ better than many who were supposedly "seers" o...

Political trends observed in exit polls ( pew , christian adc ) show that Christians are more likely to support conservative candidates, especially if they frequently attend church. Mormons stand out as “more Republican than any other religious tradition.” This is largely because most Christians feel represented by a conservative stance on issues such as abortion and gay marriage. Why then do many Christians and Mormons who are conservative for moral reasons consider part of their moral crusade a defense of free market capitalism, attacking welfare and health care reform? Free markets and capitalist ideals are rooted in conservative ideology, but they are not representative of Christianity. Not only are Christ and capitalism not associated, but free market capitalism is inconsistent with Christianity. Partisan debates have become rather heated in dealing with Obama’s health care reform. A major bill in health care reform is the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act...

Commonplace "Oh, that's a cute name." This is what people call a compliment. "I'm going to name my daughter McKinley." "I have a niece, she is sooo cute! Her name is McKinley." Not once have I met another man named McKinley, usually people say it's a "cute" name. The best part is that they think they are giving me exciting, breaking news when they talk about all the little girls they know that share my name. Like we suddenly have so much in common. Wow we must be so much alike! The alternatives used by my mother are even "cuter" if you must know. Kimpies and Kimpers are among her favorites. It's unbelievable that you can actually wussify the name McKinley and make it cuter. An Example This fourth of July I was at a Rodeo in Oakley, UT (pretty far from anything familiar, near unto nowhere). Multiple times I kept looking back thinking the woman sitting behind me was saying my name. There was no way she knew me though becau...

I was in a car driving back from a trip to Montana at a conference called IACURH. This is what came out. Van Rides And Cafeteria Fries Most of us didn’t exactly know what to expect from a weekend in Montana. Some of us were still unsure why we had been invited. Despite preparation stressors, BYU arrived with a lot of inexperience and excitement, a young group of leaders who were mostly attending for their first time. IACURH they call it. This jumble of letters previously had no meaning to most of us as we piled into large vans on Thursday morning. Friendships forged by preparation kept spirits high, though expectations may have been low. A unique group that will never again be asked to go to the same place (Montana), to spend hours doing things they thought they didn’t want to, to put up with each other, to sleep in beds with strangers, to work on the same projects, or to ride in a van together for hours on end. Most of us have very little in common. Creatively composed of two Sara’s (...

I once knew a kid who, for some lucky reason, had gotten to know all of the most inspiring people. He had met and cared about so many people over the few years he had been alive. He had been taught by adults and loved by his peers. This kid never understood why people liked him, but he appreciated the fact that he had few enemies. He had the MOST amazing friends, acquaintances, and example. He was always nostalgic, and wanted to be with all those people that had left his life along the way. Although, at the same time, he didn't want to miss a second of the present with the people that were always around. There was too much hope for the future, because he knew that there were so many inspiring, beautiful, loving, hilarious people that he would have the pleasure of meeting. He had an awesome family that he got along with most of the time. All in all, I could tell that he had learned how to love and appreciate everyone. He understood love in the sense that he felt it (without always b...