Reflecting without mirrors

“ For he is like a refiner’s fire… and he shall sit as a refiner and purifier… and he shall purify…that they may offer unto the Lord an offering in righteousness.” Malachi 3:2-4 Every once in a while we can be given an opportunity to see the grace that surrounds us. There are moments where we feel deep appreciation and gratitude. There are other moments where we feel deep understanding and come to know undeniable truths. There are moments where our hearts fill up like a balloon that’s about to burst (American Beauty quote). There are moments where we understand our purpose, meaning, and most of all­­—our potential. Then, sometimes we are lucky enough to have a moment where all of those feelings culminate into one experience. This post is about a moment where all of those feelings came together for me. It was with undeniable clarity that I came to see that God knew me and was directly involved in my life. *        ...

It is easy to be pessimistic about love and relationships. Divorce surrounds us. Break ups and the woes of relationships seem to fill conversations all around. It’s easy to lose hope; it’s easy to stop believing. I write this so that you won’t lose hope, I write so that you won’t stop believing. This post is because one of my best relationships recently ended before it even had a chance to begin. I have every reason to feel broken hearted, earlier today I did, but then I thought for a while, then I prayed for a while. Now I am filled with light. I have promised myself that anytime I receive light that I would try to share those thoughts. I want hope to spread like wildfire. I want it to heal all those that are in need of healing.  I think about love and relationships a lot. Probably because many of my friends are married, some divorced, and all have dated. At this stage of my life it’s something very critical to consider. I have a lot of thoughts about why we have gotte...

This is my first attempt at fiction, it's a short story. Immanuel “There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart’s desire. The other is to gain it.” George Bernard Shaw          I didn’t like the way he looked at me from across the desk. We sat in silence as he clicked his pen again and again, occasionally putting it between his teeth and spinning it in his hand. My boss of 5 years was staring straight at the papers in front of him as he casually flipped through them. He was avoiding eye contact and trying to reassure me that this wasn’t personal. When he would glance at me it felt more like relief than sympathy. I tried my best to give him a confident smile; like I knew what was next after this conversation was over.             “Okay, that about does it. Jim, look, I’m really sorry but we’ll recommend you wherever you go, this just isn’t the pla...

So I haven't posted in way too long. I have a million half-written things and I never posted any of it. This is worth putting on here mostly for my wonderful family to read. It's my first poetry post: enjoy.  What is a Willow? A willow is a large tree, though it’s not the tallest, it gets more beautiful with age. It has long, gentle branches, that reach out patiently. Its leaves make delicate crafts with little wind. The oldest, wisest, most responsible of trees. My oldest sister is Willow. What is an Allyssum? An allyssum is a small flower. Like carpet it covers garden grounds and brings color to dreary dirt. Its daring roots will go anywhere, mobile and agile. They stay near the surface, always smiling at the sun. My big sister is Allyssum. What is a Wren? A Wren is a small, inconspicuous bird; kind, quick, and soft spoken; though, you’ve heard its loud song. It’s fast for its size. Racing through open skies. My older brother is Wren.  What is McKin...

Today I saw a movie. I was alone (as usual). Luckily, today is a Monday. On Monday’s  the cost of “taking advantage” of the day isn’t as high as a weekend or holiday.  Much of my writing never becomes public, I often start writing just to sooth my brain. Here is an except from a Friday night, one when I learned something valuable.  “I’m alone on a friday night. I have decided not to let the idea of doing something else ruin an already beautiful night. It’s like a day where you beat yourself up for not doing something outside to “take advantage” of the nice weather.  In feeling guilty you successfully ruin something that is already beautiful. I am simply grateful for this night with McKinley and I. I don’t need to feel guilty about what I could be doing.” The moments that I am alone are the moments that I am most creative. The more time I spend with myself, deciding who I am, the less it matters what other people want me to be. Thus, on this be...

Over a week ago I walked home from a movie by myself. I was lonely in a beautiful way. The journey from the theater to my house usually takes about 20 minutes. I took an hour. The path home leads me over a bridge that extends over a small river. A spot that is well hidden by commerce. By car it takes anywhere from 1-5 seconds to cross this bridge, depending on the weight of your foot. By bus it may be faster (probably only in Brazil). Motorcycles have an advantage in traffic. Bicycles can take as little as 4 seconds depending on who is pedaling. I, with an average-sized stride and an above-average walking speed took 25ish minutes to cross the bridge.  I stopped in the middle because even walking felt rushed. This small river runs into a wilderness and winds itself away from human contact. The wilderness that faced me was beautiful, dark, and deep; the river slightly polluted. I focused on the darkness ahead of me. The street lights and passing cars behind me filled my mind wit...

One more week of my life is over. This week doesn’t feel like it ended. It was a beginning. Seven days of meaningful interactions. Seven days full of beginnings. Anything that we consider beautiful is rare. Each of my interactions was unique to the day, the time, the people, and the place. Each happened the perfect amount of times, once. If I were to try and relive any of these experiences they would start to lose value. They would lose their beauty. As a disclaimer, these summaries don’t capture the beauty of each experience. The beauty is in the details of each moment that I was able to spend with these different people. Memories are inaccurate but I’ll try and keep my recollections as real as possible. The lessons I learned hold true regardless of the accuracy of my memory.  This week started with the appearance of Anna and JoAnna in our ward on Sunday. A mother and daughter from Virginia who spent two days here. The week started with Americans befriending Americans o...